


Thane's Lament

by arlath (toddleston), Exousiha



Series: Corrupted Lungs [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Thane Lives, thane lives and he doesn't fckin die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4605204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toddleston/pseuds/arlath, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exousiha/pseuds/Exousiha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thane has finally washed up on Kalahira's shore... But the gods wish to give him a second chance. If he and Shepard can make the smallest of differences in their choices, maybe they can change the outcome of their fate. [Title is inspired by Gaeta's Lament from Battlestar Galactica.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Riptide

_"...as she was to me...”_

Her voice was the last thing he could recall before feeling the tide wash over him. The waves engulfed him and he was lost in a blue haze, letting himself breathe in the ocean.

He did nothing but sink towards the darkness. He allowed it to engulf him - letting him feel peace  as the ebony and navy fluid filled and engulfed his body.

 

* * *

 

Light.

Not of a star, but of something much more graceful.

Where he was, there were no stars.

_There was no Shepard._

He opened his eyes slowly, light surrounded him and sand shifted underneath his weight and ocean waves were lapping over his feet, barely gliding across his fingertips before receding back into the sea.

He was about to lift a hand to shield his eyes when he saw a silhouette of a woman shadow him. His eyes only had to adjust a little when he took a sharp intake of breath.

Two thoughts raced through his mind - 

His lungs did not pain him,

and Irikah.

“Irikah?”

“Thane.”

Thane asked; Irikah knew. She extended a hand towards him and he accepted, not entirely shocked.

He had just died and washed upon Kalahira’s shore. Irikah would, naturally, be there.

She lifted him up and he embraced her, feeling joy at her touch.

_Thane, be alive with me tonight._

Thane faltered, his hold on Irikah loosening.

Irikah pulled herself away and smiled, a bittersweet expression painted on her face.

“You are thinking of her.”

Thane could only nod.

It seemed that in this realm, there was unity and peace. Here, they shared a common, unlimited knowledge.

“She thinks of you, too. Come and see.”

Irikah walked down the shore, and Thane followed. It all seemed so... mellow. And dull.

“You do not feel entirely yourself.”

“No,” Thane confessed. The sensation was difficult to comprehend. He felt hollow, but he was there. He felt out of his body, but was still in control. 

“Be patient. Soon, you will understand.”

Thane felt strange. Irikah was not herself. The Irikah he knew was rash and headstrong and spoke her mind with ease. She was not pensive and was not one to meditate.

The shore was turning dark, as if the night sky was upon them but there was light flooding the sky behind them.

“We are at the threshold,” Irikah explained, as they neared the edge of the beach. It gradually turned into a rocky cliff that knew no end. The water of the ocean cascaded into nothingness into what looked like space. The Universe sprawled out just past their feet.

Thane was speechless as he reached out with his hand, stretching his fingers as far as they could reach.  All things at the edge of his fingertips.

_If only I could reach her._

Suddenly, the Universe complied - moving them from the edges of the stars to Huerta Memorial.

Thane contracted his hand as he took in their surroundings. He looked around. He and Irikah were standing in his hospital room. Kolyat was there; praying. He did not need to look at the worn, open prayer book in his palms.

His eyes were closed and his mouth moved at a consistent pace. Even with all the concentration, Thane watched as a few tears escaped the lids and ran down his son’s face.

“He speaks as the preachers do,” Irikah smiled proudly at her son.

“Yes. He has grown to be a good man. One day, he will be a great one,” Thane mused, stepping forward and letting a - what was now a - ghostly white hand rest on his son’s arm and Kolyat’s eyes opened. He looked around but didn't the spirit of his father before resuming his prayers.

Thane took his hand away, and turned his head to look around the room.

“She is still here,” Irikah’s voice spoke behind him.

Thane felt remnants of guilt. He tried to reason that it was alright for him to move on because Irikah had been gone so long. But she was so close now that he felt a little tainted. Dirty.

“You must move on if you want to catch her,” Irikah said, walking past him and through the door. Thane walked through the door as well, and they were in the busy hallway of Huerta.

Had it not been for red hair, Thane might never have seen her. He tried to keep his pace even but he couldn’t help jog toward her. She walked slowly through the doctors and nurses and wailing patients.

He could not see her face, he could only see the loosely cascading red hair that grazed her shoulders. He weaved through the bustling crowd much to Irikah’s amusement.

“You are intangible. Just walk forward,” She informed him with a laugh.

Thane was an assassin. He always trained himself to _not_ collide. To make sure no-one could feel or sense him. It took him a few more steps before he could get comfortable with people running through him.  It made the trek easier, however.

He got closer to Shepard, and expected her to board the elevator but she took a turn towards the huge window overlooking the Presidium.

He followed, and witnessed as she sank into a seat.

The seat Thane sat in when they spoke of illness and reunion.

Shepard leaned back into the chair and looked out the window. Thane just stood there as he looked at her statuesque, unmoving face. Her eyes were dull and devoid of emotion. He could not read them. Her face was steel, and her body tired.

“She has endured so much and keeps the galaxy at a distance so no-one else may feel her pain,” Irikah observed, standing next to Thane.

“She puts on a smile. Therefore, no-one knows,” Thane added, _But I knew. All of what she did and did not tell me._

“She is much more than brave. Much more than courageous,” Irikah praised, “More than she’ll ever know. And more than anyone else could hope of rising to meet.”

Thane never took his glance off of Shepard, “She is to be spoken highly of, but why are you doing so? Why reassure me?”

“Perceptive as always.. All in good time,” Irikah smiled vaguely, as if holding back a joke, a secret of her own.

The Commander didn’t move for hours. The Presidium’s sky was turning itself into a dark, mauve color.

“Ma’am?” An asari nurse approached Shepard. Shepard still stared out of the window.

“M- Ma’am?” She tried again before Shepard looked in the asari’s direction.

“I’m sorry but Huerta is closing itself to visitor’s. Unless you have to see someone as a... familial emergency?” The asari nervously spoke, but Shepard just shook her head.

“No. I’ll be going,” Shepard said, but before the asari turned away fully, she called out, “Excuse me.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I believe there’s a young drell here. He is, ah... He’s with a recently deceased patient under the name Nuara. Please take care of him,” Shepard nodded, her words sounded strong but the voice was weak. Halting.

“Yes, ma’am,” the asari agreed quietly before turning away, again.

Shepard turned away, taking in a deep breath and covering her face with her hands. She pulled away her hands and walked into the elevator, the doors closing behind her.

Thane walked through the doorway and found himself in the Commander’s new home. How he ended up here, he had no idea.

“Kalahira and Arashu wish to let you live in the moments that will help you comprehend. Particularly this one,” Irikah answered Thane’s unasked question cryptically.

“Kalahira? Arashu? You have spoken with them?”

Irikah brought a single finger to her lips and gestured to the memorial that was happening. Thane’s eyes caught his own image in a frame in front of a vase of flowers.

Shepard stood in front - leading the service.

“We are gathered here to honor the life of Thane Krios. Thane touched each of our lives in different ways,” Shepard began, somber but steadfast.

“The councillor knew him as a hero. The Normandy’s crew knew him as a brother-in-arms...” Shepard fixed her gaze upon Kolyat as she spoke the following, “and others as a father devoted to his son.”

Shepard’s face registered as she thought of what to say next.

Thane wanted only to reach out and embrace her. Tell her that he was there, watching.

“Though his life took him to very dark places, Thane cared for the better angels of our nature. He once said that he first felt love for his wife when she stepped in front of an assassin to save someone she didn’t even know... And when he knew his death was close, he chose to die doing nearly the same thing - also for someone he didn’t even know,” Shepard made it a priority to make sure everyone understood her last sentence.

Irikah brought a hand up to his shoulder and squeezed it. As if she was proud.

Though, selfishly, it was not for Irikah nor the Councillor that he risked his life. Shepard would have risked her’s.  He could not have allowed that.

That path of thought nearly made him miss the next thing Shepard had to say-

“Just as he loved his wife for it,” the Commander’s voice was on the brink of breaking, “I still love him for it. And...” Shepard opened her mouth and had to take a second in order to let the next words come out, “and I don’t think that will ever change.”

He felt devastated and elated at the same time at it twisted at him from the inside.

"Forgive me, Kalahira, for allowing this woman to love a dying man," He whispered, his hands shaking.

"There is no need to cry," Irikah comforted Thane, "All will be revealed to you."

“Would anyone else like to speak?” Shepard asked, a bit rushed, nearly broken but barely kept in tact.

“What I remember about Thane was his confidence. He told me once about how he remembered everything, even every mistake he made. If I did that, I’d be a nervous wreck. Thane kept it under control.”

“It’s strange, but the last word I’d label Thane with is ‘assassin.’ We covered each other in firefights. That makes him a partner.”

“Thane’s last stand was important, but let us also remember why Thane left the Normandy; to keep his son away from a life of crime. Deeds such as these do not go unnoticed by the universe. They echo in all who hear them. That is why I am here.”

“Thane took himself seriously, a trait with which I did not always agree. I tried to make him laugh on several occasions. But what I interpreted as a lack of humor was masking a great effort. Thane was turning his life around in a way few organics do.”

“The day Thane came onto the Normandy, all Kelly and I knew about him was that he could probably kill us all with a ballpoint pen. But after you got to know him, there wasn’t any reason to be afraid. He let you know where you stood. Kolyat, do you, uh...?”

Thane was overwhelmed by everything they were voluntarily saying about him. He had no idea they all held him in such regard. Samara and EDI’s words were the ones that lingered the most. But now, he and Irikah both watched expectantly as Kolyat took the place in front of his father’s picture.

“He looks so much like you,” Thane mused, and Irikah nodded in agreement.

“When I was little, I thought my father had it all figured out. He said men must be loyal to their friends and dangerous to their enemies. But when he prevented me from... from hurting someone, he had changed. He said enemies and ego are not as important as loved ones. I didn’t want to hear it, I was... lost. I called him a hypocrite in a thousand different ways, said he was going soft. Now... I think maybe he did have it all figured out. That’s all I can say. If anyone would like to continue, we’ll be here.”

Irikah lifted a hand and it looked as if time moved at her will.

“How...?” Thane inquired.

“Time is not one of the more important constructs here,” Irikah smiled, as they passed by a conversation that Shepard and Kolyat were having after the memorial, “Kolyat has become shrewd, he is working on gathering more funding towards Kepral’s Syndrome cure research. Starting with the councillor you saved.”

“Is this memory not over?”

“Not quite.”

Irikah pulled her hand back when Shepard started to make her way towards her bedroom. The two drell followed the Commander up the stairs and Thane watched as she brought up her Omni-tool to play something on a screen.

Thane’s face filled the screen, and he realized that Kolyat had passed on the video messages he attempted to send to Shepard while she was incarcerated.

Thane watched her face, trying to gauge her reaction. He did not wish to see her pained... but he did not know if there was any pain, at all.

“Siha...”

Shepard blinked a couple of times and her lips twitched tighter.

“I have prepared emails, sent videos, even composed paper letters. I know this will not reach you, but it must be said... I once had no reason to live, then suddenly I had two: you and Kolyat.”

Lips are easy to control. The eyes are not. Thane could only watch as tears cascaded down her face as she tried to keep her emotions bottled up - even in the sanctity of her own home.

“Circumstances keep us apart, so Kolyat takes much of my time, but... I don’t know if it’s obvious to humans.. _Fist slams the table. She comes to me, fingers cool and soothing, ‘Thane, be alive with me tonight...’”_

There is a ghost of a smile, but the other emotions threaten to overwhelm her - so Shepard holds it back.

“I cannot forget you. That is what humans say. With us, it is a state called tu-fira. ‘Lost in another.’ It can consume us. In case you are in the same pain, I want to say...”

Shepard took the smallest step forward, as if anticipation caught up to her feet before her brain had warned them from moving.

“You have only made my life better. You gave me you, Kolyat... Even the Omega-4 relay made me feel... purposeful. We are alive, siha. And when we are not, I will meet you across the sea.”

The message ended and Shepard stood a few moments, staring at the screen of static. She brought the omni-tool up to close the messages and held out her hand to turn off the screen.

When all was quiet, save the constant rush of sky cars rushing by the window - Shepard’s hand found the wall and her knees crashed into the floor. Sobs raked her body, and her spine moved in a convoluted dance to her cries. She took deep but moist breaths, trying her hardest to fill her lungs with air. Her other hand beat at her chest and it looked like the great Commander Shepard could shatter into pieces.

Thane kneeled down by his siha and found himself praying to Arashu to protect and keep her.

Irikah brought up a hand and the scene disappeared. Thane found his knees sinking into sand and a wind blew across his body. There was a quiet moment before he got up and cleared his throat.

“Is that all?”

“No... but watch..”

Irikah looked out to the expanse. Thane looked to and found himself back in her home. There was music and laughter and all of her friends - family, more like - gathered around. They were celebrating. Making merry.

_Making her smile again._

The night was over as soon as it began and Thane saw that he was behind his siha leaning against a railing - looking out at the Normandy. 

“Be strong for her.”

“What?”

He looked to Irikah who gestured forward.

_Could I really..._

He spoke to her, as if she could listen.

“I am glad you were able to take time to celebrate. You deserve it.”

“I wish you could have been here with me..”

Thane looked at her, a single thought raced through his mind - _How many times has she imagined this encounter?_

“I am always with you, siha... I would not trade the time I had with you for anything. It was a good fight.”

“A great fight.”

Shepard had shaken her head and forced out the words. He heard her. She was tired. She wanted to rest.

Maybe she had even resigned herself to death.

“Then go and finish it. And when you go to the sea, I will be waiting for you at the shore.”

Shepard looked over to her left before running off - her lips trembling, again.

Thane could not help but follow. She left through a door. When Thane passed through it, however, he found himself looking at the burning planet that had been Earth.

Thane blinked his eyes a few times.

“The choice is yours,” A child’s voice proclaimed.

He looked over to where his siha was. There was an evident limp in her leg, clothes and armor burned to her very skin, and a pistol in her right hand. There was blood covering nearly every inch of her body, hair was singed off and mangled. She stood - three choices in front of her.

There was a beam of light in the center, an illuminated pair of handles to the left, and to the right - a core of sorts glowing red.

“This is the end... The end of the prolonged galactic war. And it is all up to Shepard,” Irikah informed Thane. She pointed to the handles, “Control.” The beam of light, “Synthesis.” The glowing red, “Destroy.”

Thane had barely any time to process the information when Shepard began limping up the runway. She turned to the right.

_Destroy._

When she cleared the ramp, she began to walk towards the core. She pulled the trigger but the pistol had a lot of kick. Her arm fell and she struggled to hold it up as she continued her pace towards the core. Thane ran to her side and steadied her. He let his hand hold hers and with a gentle squeeze, steadied her hand, and became the support. Her fingers squeezed the trigger over and over and over again - cracks expanding and ready to break.

Just as she shot the core point blank - it erupted, engulfing everything in flames.

Thane blinked a couple of times, his arms up instinctually, but he was back at the shore. He lowered his arms and looked to Irikah.

“Is she... Is Shepard..?” He asked, hoping his tone did not sound too enthusiastic. It was not like he wished for Shepard’s death. He just did not wish to see her in pain.

“Look.”

Thane looked into the expanse and saw the vague image of a crash site.

He spotted the N7 armor in the rubble, one side of her head bald and burnt from the fire. Her porcelain skin had been exposed and was now almost completely charred.

“But if she is...” Thane couldn’t finish the sentence. He did not want to fathom if she wasn’t...

Shepard took a breath.

A strangled, quick breath - but her lungs persevered. She persevered in a way no-one ever could. She could barely open her eyes, but they looked panicked. She took a quick succession of breaths, and tears streamed from her eyes - running through the dark caverns of charcoal, dead flesh. Her fingers were trapped around the pistol, and as Shepard tried moving, she cried out in anguish.

She knew she wasn’t dead.

“Kalahira... Why...” Thane whispered to himself, kneeling beside Shepard - his faded hand stroking his siha’s face. He felt nothing. Neither did she. He hoped, in vain, that his tender actions were helping.

“Sere Krios.”

Thane looked back to Irikah and saw that her eyes glowed white, and there was an omnipotent light and air surrounding her. She wasn’t Irikah anymore. She was a vessel for the gods Arashu and Kalahira. A mouthpiece.

“Why is she suffering? Why can’t she rest?” Thane asked them.

“It is not in her nature,” they answered.

“Please, have mercy. I beg of you,” Thane was already on his knees. There was nothing he could do... Not for Shepard, not for them. He felt weak.

“We have seen all realities of this Commander. Every time she will rally every force of the galaxy. Every time she will conquer. Every time she will wish to die. Every time she will live. Mortal choices and free will - they are all beyond are influence. All must choose,” They replied.

“She is condemned to a life of suffering for being good?” Thane couldn’t help the disbelief straining his voice.

“Precisely.”

Thane turned his head to look at her struggling form, and placed his hand over hers.

“However,”

He looked back to his gods.

“Her choices lead her here. Your choices, however, are not so concrete.”

“What do you mean?”

" _Thane was turning his life around in a way few organics do,_ " EDI's voice surrounded him before being followed by Samara's, " _Deeds such as these do not go unnoticed by the universe. They echo in all who hear them..._ " There was a pause before the gods continued, "You are a good man. Shepard is a better woman. You can change your fate and be a part of her's depending on your choices."

“How? Please, tell me how.”

“That is up to you.”

Thane knew the gods could be cryptic. But when it mattered most? That was frustrating.

“Thane,” Irikah spoke again. The gods were gone.

“Irikah, what do I do?” If anyone had the answers, it would be Irikah.

“Listen - and do not interrupt. You are being granted another chance at life. All you saw here will be lost once you return to the mortal realm, but you must endeavor to remember this: Live for her.”

“Irikah...” Thane felt a little embarrassed, if he was to be honest. His deceased wife talking about Shepard with such... grace.

“In my life, I loved you. But my life is over,” Irikah smiled, bringing a hand to his face. He found that they were back on the shore, “Your life, however... I was not to be your only love. I found you, helped change and shape you into a good man. I will never regret that. I will never regret only ever loving you. But do not regret loving another. Our love was meant to change us both. Your love with Shepard was meant to last. So go, and live with her. Live for her.”

Irikah took both hands and put them on either side of his face, pulling him down so she could kiss his forehead. Thane felt humbled... and relieved. Her blessing was enough to quell the guilt.

“Live.”

Her hands had found his chest, and with the force of the gods - Irikah pushed him over the edge of the shore and sent him tumbling into the abyss.

* * *

Thane woke with a start, feeling as if he had crashed into his cot in the dingy apartment in Illium. He let out a cough as he sat up, his lungs straining against him.

He could barely remember his dream.

It felt like a nice one...

Thane rolled his neck and checked the time on the holo-clock next to the cot.

_6:03._

_Evening._

He picked up a datapad - blueprints of Dantius Towers. The blurred face of an asari. He picked up his M-9 Tempest and a light Viper sniper rifle.

_Time to meet Nassana Dantius._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered how Irikah would react when Thane died if Shepard romanced him. I didn't want to diminish the importance of how she shaped him as a person, but I also think that he and Shepard make a great couple.


	2. Begin Again (Shepard)

Fire engulfed her and darkness took her.

There was nothing.

And then there was air. Air that was weaving it's way through a maze.

The air was burnt. Burning.

And so was she.

_breathebreathebreathebreathebreathebreathe-_

The thought echoed within her mind as her chest expanded to allow oxygen to flow in her.

_i can't.. i- i can't- can't see. can'tbreathe- can't- move -where-_

Her eyes gathered light and shadows and movement but the details eluded her.

Her fingers grasped but were unfeeling.

Her ears picked up nothing but incessant ringing.

This was no shore.

For the third time in her life, she thought the horrifying question:

_Am I alive?_

* * *

 

Shepard jolted up from bed, her body encapsulated in sweat but shaking from the cold. The sheets had been kicked off and Shepard was alone.

The nightmare was different tonight. Her nightmares were products of war, but this.... That war wasn't real... _What war-?_

Shepard sighed, bringing her palms to the sides of her forehead.

Now she was making up the traumatic experiences.

"Commander Shepard, are you alive?"

Shepard looked up, a chill settling in her gut, "EDI?"

"I was asking whether or not you were awake, Commander."

"Right," Shepard sighed, shaking her head, "I'm awake, EDI. Status report."

"Thirty minutes until we reach Illium, Commander."

"Thank you, EDI. That'll be all."

"My pleasure, Shepard."

* * *

 

"I can't believe the Illusive Man wants to recruit an  _assassin,_ " Jacob sighed, crossing his arms. He did that a lot - crossing his arms. There were different emotions to each different "arm crossing" situation. The knuckles were getting pale, the lips were taut, and the brow slightly furrowed.

"You disagree with the Illusive Man?" Shepard asked, a hint of a scoff present.

"Commander, we're talking about Krios.  _Thane Krios,_ " Jacob stressed the last three syllables again.  _Assassin. Thane Krios._ It was almost like the two were destined to be together. _  
_

"Yes, I realize."

The Commander knew of the Assassin's reputation. She had heard stories. Rumors. Passing gossip. She didn't care much for assassins, if she was being honest. Anyone who didn't have a problem killing someone for money or for a "contract" wasn't deserving of the life that was granted to them. A life spent taking other's was a life ill-spent. Thane Krios was one of the best at his job. Maybe that made him worse.

Then again, Shepard taught herself not to judge others before she met them. 

At one point, Shepard may have made disingenuous assertions about a "soldier" known to have been the sole survivor of an attack against a colony by slavers and a thresher maw attack that wiped out the rest of their unit. She would have called that soldier a coward.

_And yet, here I am._

"Speak your mind, Jacob. I don't have all day," Shepard could feel the tension that was settling into her very being. From the thoughts that clouded her mind from too much silence.

"It's just- He is an assassin credited with more kills then systems we can jump to," Jacob let the words flow out of him. He let a lot of things happen when he had permission, "He's well-known, still breathing, and still working. An assassin like that is lethal. Well-known among the appropriate circles and still invisible? How do we assert ourselves over someone like that?"

" _We_ won't be asserting ourselves over him. He won't have to answer to anyone on this ship. No-one except me," the Commander shifted her weight so she was facing Jacob fully, "That's the privilege everyone on this boat shares."

Jacob registered the shift in the air and his posture became more rigid. He lifted his hand to his head in a salute, "Yes, sir."

Shepard sighed, and made her way out of the debriefing room, pausing to look back at Jacob, "I value each and every one of my crew. But we can't work together with such biased attitudes."

Shepard left the Lieutenant to his thoughts and walked down the hall to pick up her weapons.

As she grabbed a pistol and a shotgun, Shepard called for EDI.

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Garrus and Grunt. Tell them to suit up," Shepard holstered her guns. If she was going after an assassin, might as well take the Archangel and a krogan.


	3. The Judge (Thane)

He had just finished off the last of the guards, ended the empty life of Nassana Dantius, and laid her body when he paused to fold his hands and recite his prayers. A ritual usually executed unseen.

 _However,_ Thane mused silently,  _exceptions can be made when the party watching could likely kill you._

They dispatched nearly the entirety of the tower's mercenary force within the night. It was quite-

"Impressive," a turian hummed, "You certainly know how to make an entrance."

Still, Thane was unfazed by their presence. He had overheard the conversation. He had wondered if they were there for him. Now he knew for certain. Still, what judgment they were to pass on him was yet to be seen. No sign of hostility as of yet - and they had just seen him in action. Rarely were people allowed the opportunity and live to tell about it.

He realized that though his hands were folded in prayer and his head bowed, his mind was swimming with thoughts rather than asking for forgiveness. He had just started his prayer when-

"I was hoping to talk to you."

Her voice. The weathered voice of a presumably dead woman. Then again - Commander Shepard? Dead? He should have known Death would not hold her so easily.

Thane looked up to acknowledge her presence.

"I apologize. But prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken," Thane answered. He might have felt a pang of sadness, if it weren't such an honest truth accepted years ago.

"Do you really think she deserves it?"

He furrowed his brow. _That_  took him by surprise.

Maybe the Commander meant that in a baffled tone. Maybe she thought that Nassana was so cruel, so beyond forgiveness that Thane was wasting his time with prayers.

 _And yet..._ Something about the way she asked. Maybe it was wishful thinking - but maybe she really wanted to know if Nassana was capable of being forgiven. Maybe she wanted to find something worth holding onto. Maybe the cruelty of a person can be turned around if they find a silver lining. Maybe Nassana didn't have to die.

The thought - the hope - that Nassana Dantius could have been spared, could have been redeemed. Her past not forgotten, but maybe she could have contributed more than darkness to the Universe...

That thought was intriguing. Something Thane hadn't considered.

But the prayer... This prayer was -

"Not for her. For me," Thane confessed, beginning to holster his gun. The prayers could wait. They would have to. He continued, "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone.

"Take you, for instance," Thane's hand slid against the glass surface of the desk before gesturing towards Shepard and the floors below them, "All this destruction - chaos."

He made his way around the desk to actually converse with them.

He always made a point to talk to people as if they were equals. Nassana needed a desk to stand behind. Thane did not. And, if worse came to worse - it would be much easier for him to take them in close combat. Even if he was dead, at least he would be fighting.

 "I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me. Well," Thane turned his attention fully to Shepard now, "Here I am."

Now he had a full view of the Commander's face - in person. Images and vids of her made their way around the extranet, sure. But in the flesh? He had to admit the view was... compelling. He allowed himself to not cross any other threshold of thought. Her eyes... He felt like he had looked into them a thousand times before.

Something about her felt so... familiar.

As if in a past life -

"I do want to talk to you," Shepard replied, and Thane snapped out of his thoughts, "but how did you know I was here?"

Whether or not she was  _actually_ curious, he could not discern. Her voice was very stable. Something about it made him feel secure. He couldn't place the reason as to why it did... Maybe it was just the Commander. Maybe it was just the person the past had made her to be. For whatever reason, he indulged her with a reason.

"Gunfire and explosions," Thane moved past Shepard. He didn't... He didn't want to look at her. Well, he did, but... Instead he walked towards the turian with a gun pointed towards him.

 _How valuable am I to them?_ Thane pondered.

"I prefer to work quietly. If I have to fight through guards, I've made a mistake," Thane made eye contact with the turian, whose mandibles twitched slightly, "I rarely make mistakes."

The turian was steady otherwise. A formidable opponent.

Thane turned his head slightly to address Shepard, "You disrupted my plan, but your distraction eventually proved valuable."

"Let's cut to the chase. I need you for a mission."

"Indeed?" Thane asked, while wondering  _What would she need an assassin for? Commander Shepard doesn't operate in that capacity._

"You're familiar with the Collectors?"

Thane turned and walked towards the desk again. He replied, with a slight shrug, "By reputation." He had made it back to the desk and looked out towards the rising sun. Something in his chest felt tight, as if this was monumental.

_Or maybe it is just Kepral's._

"They're abducting entire human colonies. Freedom's Progress was their handiwork," Shepard elaborated.

Thane bowed his head, slowly realizing what Shepard was about to say. "I see."

"We're going after them."

Thane twisted to face her, wanting to gauge whether or not she knew what the task at hand would require. "Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega 4 relay," Thane explained, "No ship has ever returned from doing so."

Shepard lowered her arms with complete certainty, "My ship will be the first."

Thane turned away again and marveled at the huge request the Commander was making, "You'd like me to protect humans I've never met from aliens no-one knows anything about by going to a place no-one's ever returned from?"

He heard her approaching-

"That's the gist of it."

Thane nearly laughed at the bravado of such a task and of her confidence. It gave him pause. He closed his eyes and pondered for a moment.

_If she is so sure... Or rather, if she's so desperate.._

He opened his eyes. He spotted Shepard in his peripheral standing next to him. Something about her presence was comforting.

"This was to be my last job." Thane turned his head to confess, "I'm dying."

He took a breath before continuing, "Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

"I hadn't heard that," Shepard admitted, "Is there anything I can do?"

He smiled slightly at her concern. "Giving me this opportunity is enough," He responded before thinking about who he was. What he had done. All the lives he had taken just because he was told to. He sighed and let what had been the guiding point of his life slip through his lips for the first time in... Well, ever.

"The Universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die," Thane's expression hardened and he turned to Shepard, "Many innocents die today. I wasn't fast enough and they suffered. I must atone for that."

He extended his hand and shook Shepard's. It was firm. Solid. Steadfast.

"I will work for you, Shepard. No charge."


	4. Brief Debrief (Shepard)

Shepard walked into the briefing room after a quick change out of her armor and a shower to wash off all the sweat, grime, and blood accumulated over the past night.She did just have to meander through destroyed mechs and bodies of salarian workers and mercenaries to recruit a galaxy renowned assassin. And there wasn't time to get sleep from Thane getting his things to making sure everything that happened at Dantius Towers was getting properly taken care of.

A typical Tuesday.

From a live Illium news broadcast, she could see the sun start to rise.

Jacob was already waiting, leaning against the desk.

"Jacob."

"Commander," He sighed, sucking his cheeks in as discreetly as possible.

She was about to ask him what was on his mind when the lock on the door sounded and Thane strode in. His eyes seemed to scan the room in a few seconds.  _Out of habit or out of practice? Maybe both?_

"I've heard impressive stories, Krios. Sounds like you'll be an asset to the team." He turned to Shepard. "That is if you're comfortable having an assassin watch your back."

Before she could respond, Thane replied, "I've accepted a contract. My arm is Shepard's."

"Uh huh," Jacob voiced his disbelief, "Don't know about you- but I'm loyal to more than my next paycheck."

Shepard had to intervene here, "Obviously he is, too. He's doing this mission gratis. What's your concern?" If there was anything she hated, it was people being misunderstood. Assassin or not, the facts had to be stated. The fact was that this man wasn't doing this job for the money.

"I don't like mercenaries," Jacob shrugged, "An assassin is just a precise mercenary."

"An assassin is a weapon," Thane said, as if it was a reflex. Something practiced and said countless times over the years, "A weapon doesn't choose to kill, the one who wields it does." As if to cease the debate, Thane moved on from the topic, "Where shall I put my things? I'd prefer someplace dry, if anything's available."

EDI materialized at the table to answer his question, "The area near the life support plant on the crew deck tends to be slightly more arid than the rest of the ship."

"Ah. An AI?" Thane sounded amused, "My thanks." Then Shepard had to suppress making a sound of bewilderment or amusement as he bowed towards EDI before taking his leave.

"He seems quite civil." Shepard could hear EDI smiling. If an incorporeal artificial intelligence could smile.

"We need all the help we can get," She turned to Jacob when Krios left. She thought of Thane praying over the bodies of those he killed, "He's not what I expected in an assassin. He may surprise you."

"Yeah," Jacob raised an eyebrow, "And he may not." 

"Jacob," Shepard interrupted Jacob's exit, "I need you to keep an open mind right now. We're preparing to do the impossible. Don't make enemies of your allies. Get to know them first."

Jacob looked like he wanted to retort but at Shepard's steady gaze, he closed his mouth and nodded.

"Thank you," She sighed before walking out the door.

_Time to get to know the assassin._


	5. Cassandra (Thane)

"He seems quite civil," the AI mused as Krios walked out the door. Thane couldn't help himself and indulged in a smile. He was pleased that he could make a good impression on someone on board. As soon as the doors closed behind him, he heard the muffled voices of the Commander and the Cerberus officer continue their conversation. He paused to listen further.

" _We need all the help we can get,_ " the Commander spoke, " _He's not what I expected in an assassin. He may surprise you._ "

 _She_ surprised  _him._ He wondered how a person as young and as renowned as Commander Shepard could be so willing to try and understand all circumstances.

" _Yeah, and he may not,_ " the Cerberus officer retorted. His attitude was unsurprising. His rigid morals showed he was an upright, lawful man. What he was doing with Cerberus, with their reputation, seemed a mystery to Thane.

" _Jacob,_ " Shepard spoke again, " _I need you to keep an open mind right now. We're preparing to do the impossible. Don't make enemies of your allies. Get to know them first._ "

Thane's chest tightened. A familiarity and warmth felt like it was resurfacing... Like something forgotten was stirring in the back of his mind... It was an odd sensation. He remembered everything.

Shepard's " _Thank you,_ " through the door brought him back to reality. Her footsteps grew louder so he ran to the doors that led to a tech lab. A salarian looked up from his work station. His face boasted battle scars. _A salarian who's seen war sits alone. A war criminal framed by the scope of my rifle. The trigger warm underneath my finger. It's time. Ready. Aim. Fire- the sunset floods the scope. My breath catches in my throat. I can't- I can't breathe-_

Thane coughed a couple of times, pulling himself out of his own mind.

"My apologies," Thane bowed to the salarian for the awkward moment. He turned to walk out the door.

"Drell male. Unique form of eidetic memory. Understandable," the salarian spoke to him, "Coughed just now. Could be nothing. Kepral's?"

Krios was caught off guard by the salarian's unique speech pattern. "Yes, you are correct."

"Sorry to hear," the salarian apologized. "Mordin Solus. Scientist. Pleasure to meet you."

"Thane Krios," he introduced himself to the eccentric man. At that moment, Shepard walked through the door, looking from the scientist to the assassin.

"Getting to know each other?" She asked. Thane nodded and Solus smiled, taking that as his cue to resume his work.

"That's good." Shepard seemed pleased with herself. "Where are your things? Need help carrying anything?"

"I don't have much in the way of material possessions," Thane confessed as they walked towards the front of the ship. They got to the elevators before Thane continued, "You are a busy woman. I wouldn't want to waste your time with such a trivial matter."

"I've got down time and nothing to do. Plus, it's good to get to know the crew," Shepard reasoned, leaning against the elevator's railing as the made their way to the hangar. Thane had tossed his few bags right outside of the elevator. When they arrived, he shouldered a duffel bag filled with weapons. Shepard had already grabbed the backpack and swung it over her own shoulder before he could get to it. She laughed a little. "You weren't lying when you said you didn't have much."

"If I am to be many things, I hope one of them is honest," Thane said as the doors closed. They started their ascent- the AI knowing where they wanted to go.

"I wish I hoped that," Shepard replied, her eyes gazing towards something unseen, "I feel like Cassandra."

"Cassandra?" He repeated. The doors opened to the Crews Quarters deck and Shepard seemed to snap out of whatever memory she was lost in.

"Follow me, Life Support is just down here." Shepard walked past him and down the hall to the right. He followed, watching her presence part the waves of people flooding the hall. A lot of freshly washed men stood at attention by the bathroom doors. Shepard nodded towards them before walking into Life Support. The room seemed to be used more for storage. A room to the side that people didn't have much use for.

"Sorry about how it looks, but EDI said it's the driest place we've got," Shepard commented, gently laying the backpack on the ground.

"It's perfect, thank you," Thane reassured her. On a ship such as this, a place to himself was much more than he could ask for.

"Here, let's-"

"Commander, reports from Illium law enforcement of a justicar named Samara have just come in," the AI's voice sounded through the room.

"So much for down time," Shepard shrugged, starting to walk out the door. Before she left, she turned around to face Thane, "Well, what about it? Feel like meeting a justicar?"

"Oh, of course," Thane felt the frills of his neck flare a little with anticipation. He felt like he needed to impress the Commander.

"No rush. Suit up or whatever Thane Krios does to get ready for an assignment," the Commander smiled before the door closed behind her.

Thane knelt down to remove a couple of weapons from the duffel bag when he realized how dark the room was.

_Strange, there was enough light before._

He took out the Viper and Tempest and headed for the elevator. He seemed to be the first one in the hangar, save the Cerberus engineers who resided there. Thane was aware this was not the same Normandy that saved the Citadel two years ago. He wasn't so sure if the woman who's faded scars seemed to glow was the same Shepard who foiled a galactic terrorist plot by Saren. The details concerning Saren and the plot were as vague and mysterious as Commander Shepard, herself. But so far... So far he appreciated she was the woman in charge.

 _I feel like Cassandra_ , he could hear Shepard's hollow voice ringing through his mind. Thane didn't understand the reference, if it was one. Maybe Cassandra was a long lost companion. He was so lost in trying to figure out the meaning behind the name he didn't see the Commander approach him.

"Looks like you don't need much at all," Shepard observed. She was dressed in her battle armor, a grenade launcher strapped to her back, a shotgun magnetized to the small of her back, and a holstered heavy pistol. He shuddered to think of the fool who got too close to her in combat.

"Commander, who is Cassandra?" Thane asked before he could stop himself. He had to know. He could research it later but a part of him was urgent to understand her.

"You were listening to that?" the Commander laughed. "It's not that important, but she's someone from Greek mythology. That's a human thing. You know it?"

"I know of it."

"Nice." Shepard seemed genuinely impressed. "Well, Cassandra was courted by Apollo, who's one of the gods. He was in love with her but she rejected him so he cursed her by giving her the gift of prophecy."

"That's a curse?"

"It is when no-one believes you... I think it's good to be honest, but I think it'd be better if I was believed."

Thane felt something akin to a dull, misguided projectile hitting his diaphragm. He wanted to dismiss it as Kepral's. A trick of his polluted lungs. He couldn't place the sensation. He wasn't sure if he had ever felt it before.

"Sorry I'm late, Shepard- I was following a lead on Sidonis. Turned out to be a dead end," the turian from earlier huffed, sporting an assault rifle and a sniper rifle on his back. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing much," Shepard dismissed his question, making her way towards the airlock. "Let's move out."

"Ah, so we're taking you for a test run," the turian hummed. "The name's Garrus Vakarian."

"Thane Krios, but you probably already know that," he introduced himself. The turian nodded in his direction and their introductions were done. They'd make their judgments of each other in the field. They followed their Commander as she led the way. He couldn't help his eyes from gravitating towards her hair that seemed to dance like fire in the light of the rising sun.

_Absolutely captivating._


	6. Now is the Start (Shepard)

Shepard let the shower water drown out all of her thoughts. Thoughts crowded her mind these days. It didn't help that she had to fight through a haze of Minagen X3, by the end of the mission, her biotics felt high and fried. She let herself concentrate on each droplet hitting her skin and the paths they took down her body. The streams of water used to catch on her scars. Sure, there were the remnants of surgical scars on her face, but those were healing fast. They weren't the same as the calloused ones from battle. It felt strange for the water to run so smoothly from her body to the drain. Shepard opened her eyes. Fortunately, moments where she felt a stranger to her body were rare. Unfortunately, when they happened...

She shut off the water and knelt in the shower, letting her forehead rest against the wall. She tapped it against the wall once. The next time was harder. Harder. Again. Again. The last time was the hardest. She could feel the area swell ever-so-slightly but it didn't hurt. At least she could feel it.

Shepard stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was matted against her cheeks and neck. She leaned in closer to see the damage to her forehead. It looked a lot worse than it felt. The skin had broken slightly and there were some spots around the area. It would definitely bruise. Leaving the bathroom, Shepard grabbed a towel and dried herself before slipping her sweats on.

The mattress sunk underneath Shepard's weight, feeling like a tender embrace.

_Maybe I can finally get a few hours of peace and quiet..._

"Shepard," EDI's voice sounded through the loudspeakers by Shepard's bed.

_I guess not._

"What is it, EDI?" Shepard asked the AI with a twinge of annoyance. She tried not to let it show, but there were only so many emotions she could repress at once.

"Sorry if I'm disturbing you. I just wanted to know what conclusion you came to about the assassin," EDI sounded sorry. Shepard gave a sigh of relief. It was only EDI's curiosity. EDI had a tendency to ask about Shepard's thoughts on a new member of the crew. It was as if she was gathering data on organic interaction. It seemed like she wanted to have a foundation for organic behavior that wasn't reduced to logic, statistics, or computation.

"It's okay, EDI. I just thought there was somewhere else I had to be. I'm glad it's just gossip," Shepard stretched out on the bed before grabbing a pillow and hugging it.

"Based on Cerberus's psychological profile, his behavior is pretty consistent. However, there was little mention of his religious practices."

"What was mentioned?"

"I assume you haven't read the dossiers Cerberus prepared for you."

"No comment," Shepard shrugged, hugging the pillow tighter.  _Ah, this is why people think I'm just a rough and tumble soldier. I don't do my homework._

"Any notable person comes across Cerberus' radar, but Thane was given special attention after he spared a Cerberus' officer's life. His contract called for the execution of Rasa. In the security vids, he is close to killing her but after a brief conversation he puts away his knife then carries her away from the alley and back to her home. Soon after this incident, the Illusive Man handpicked him for your team."

"Interesting..." Shepard mused.  _So, the assassin who is merely a weapon rendered his own judgment._

"I am more interested in your thoughts, Commander," EDI confessed. "How do you judge Thane Krios?"

" _Judge_ is a strong word, EDI," She sighed, thinking about what transpired earlier that day. Shepard wasn't expecting to put a huge dent in the Eclipse Sisters' operation. "He's definitely religious. He was praising his gods in the middle of a firefight so he's definitely got a lot of self-control. He believes with every fibre of his being and that belief dictates nearly all of his actions. So what's the conclusion we can come to from that?"

"He is unwavering," EDI answered.

"Exactly. But not only that, he's loyal. If he truly believes in a cause or a person, he won't doubt them. Not even when hell's raining down on him." Shepard thought of the gunship that relentlessly fired missiles at them and circled the trio like a behemoth bird of prey. She remembered Garrus' mandibles flaring due to adrenaline and nerves. She remembered every muscle in her body clench tighter and tighter with every explosion. She remembered Thane's easy confidence, the way he merely kneeled behind a few crates as he waited for the storm to be brought down with their efforts.

"Anything else?"

"He's insecure."

"Insecure?"

"Well, insecure's probably not the right word, but..." Shepard could feel her eyelids shutting and she fought to keep them open. "Not insecure... Maybe doubtful of himself?" She started to yawn.

"We'll continue this conversation later, Commander. I should let you sleep. Thank you for talking with me," EDI said.

"Night, EDI," Shepard said as thankfully as she could. She curled up around the pillow and let herself be pulled into a deep sleep.

* * *

A blade slowly emerged from his back,

rose petals pouring out from the wound and falling all around him,

pooling at his feet.

Her hand reached out and the falling crimson petals

melted around her hand like thick paint.

The blade twisted and writhed into a thresher maw-

emerging from the ground

swallowing,

consuming everyone.

_Except me._

The maw's jaw unhinged turned to her

fleshy horror filling her sight-

* * *

Shepard woke with a start. Every breath she took was laborious and strained. There wasn't enough air in the room. She concentrated on the blue light and steady hum coming from the empty aquarium. Dr. Chakwas had recommended filling it with fish. Taking care of them by habitually feeding them would offer a steady routine in Shepard's rather hectic, scattered schedule. She didn't want to be responsible for more lives.

Shepard shuffled off her bed, feeling a little dazed. That nightmare took a lot out of her. The thresher maw was familiar. The beast was an unwanted, recurring guest in her dreams but every time it appeared, it became less frightening. However, the blade... The blade was something new. Something about it shook her to her core. She couldn't place who the victim was and it made her uneasy. It also made her feel incredibly and indescribably sad.

She needed something to drink but water wouldn't cut it. She couldn't go back to sleep.  _Coffee it is._  The kitchen was the only place to make food. Most mornings, the trek seemed to long to be worth it so breakfast almost never happened. Shepard took the elevator down and was surprised to see someone standing in front of the stove in the kitchen. The leather clad back made her stop in her tracks as she imagined a blade emerging from it, rose petals lazily cascading to the floor. The figure turned-

_Krios?_

His obsidian eyes met with Shepard's.

"Commander." He straightened his posture. "What brings you here?"

Shepard shook her head. _Just d_ _eja vu._ "Just getting something to wake me up. What are you doing?"

"With everything in the room, I didn't get a chance to sleep so I'm making some tea," Thane answered, gesturing to Gardner's old-fashioned kettle. "Would you like to try some?"

"Why not," the Commander shrugged, taking a few steps forwards. Her eyes were still focused on Thane's. Working with the Alliance gave her the opportunity to encounter many alien species. The many physical differences between human's and alien's were fascinating. Eyes were, in her opinion, the most captivating. Thane's were no exception, except... they were very hard to read. From a distance, it was difficult to distinguish whether the organ had distinct features so there was almost no way to tell what he was looking at. She didn't even know if he was looking her in the eye. So far she had judged by the position of his head.

"Excuse me, I'll return shortly." He abruptly walked past Shepard towards Chakwas' office. Shepard watched as he entered the medical bay, sifting through the cabinets. Shepard leaned against the kitchen counter, allowing her eyes to explore the area where Kaidan used to stand. Kaidan who rubbed his forehead, never complaining of his migraines. He stood there, vowing he'd always stand by her side.  _It's been two years,_ Shepard reminded herself. At least, two everyone else it has been two years. Shepard felt as if it were days ago. To her, the past was two weeks behind her. Before she could lose herself in nostalgia, the kettle began to whistle. It was as if it was signaling Thane's return as he strode back to the kitchen, holding a small box of some sort. He laid it on the counter before preparing the cups of tea for the two of them. After he finished pouring out the water, he opened the box, revealing it to be a first aid kit.

"Be still, this may sting," Thane advised, ripping open a packet containing a single antiseptic wipe.

"What are you-  _ah,_ " She winced in pain as Thane dabbed at her forgotten wound.

"I warned you," Thane's low voice sounded amused as he disinfected her forgotten wound. He folded the wipe back into the package and tossed it aside. He picked up antibiotic ointment, squeezing some of the contents onto his fused middle fingers. He took a step closer to concentrate on working the ointment over the wound.

Shepard knew those hands could kill. She saw his hands snap the neck of an unsuspecting Eclipse mercenary. She saw his hands deftly take life after life of those trying to kill them. Now, she saw his hands working at healing her. His hands were trained to kill, but he was using them to heal. He worked at the wound with the same gentle reverence he approached his meditation and prayers.

"May I ask what happened?" He had finished applying the ointment and was now fiddling with unwrapping an adhesive bandage.

"Oh, this? No idea, probably from Wasea. It was a pretty intense fight," Shepard feigned ignorance.

"It wasn't there before."

There was a foreign stirring sensation near the bottom of her stomach. "What?"

"I remember everything," he answered cryptically, but softly. She suddenly felt a certain kind of self-consciousness as he got closer to apply the bandage. Two fingers from both hands pressed the adhesive part onto her skin and slid outwards, making sure the bandage stuck. His palms hovered just over her skin. Maybe it was just her imagination, but it felt like he lingered there for a second longer than necessary. He took a step backward as he cleared his throat. "I'm no physician, but even something as small as that could get infected."

"Thanks." Shepard grabbed the cup of tea and took a sip of it. It was bitter at first, but the aftertaste was mildly sweet. The steam from the tea brushed at her face, making the Normandy feel like before. Like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having PTSD, it's always interested me in how Shepard would deal with it. I'm not saying everyone deals with it the same, I only know of my experience with it. So this is just the beginning, but writing fictional characters (especially characters I admire) who deal with it kind of helps me deal with it. Unrelated note - I'm a total sucker for the whole "hands trained to kill being used to heal" thing and that's 100% Thane to me.


	7. Doubt (Thane)

Thane observed that Shepard, as the humans say, ran a tight ship. Or rather, EDI did. The AI gently chimed in from time to time to inform Thane of the Normandy's schedule. When he returned from helping recruit the justicar, EDI said that the crew from the CIC were washing up and the crew from the Engineering and Hangar decks were having dinner. He refrained from both, opting to tidy up the mess in Life Support.

The AI had asked if he required assistance. He declined the offer.

He worked better alone.

A couple of hours passed when EDI chimed in again, saying that most of the crew had retired for the night cycle. Most ships would have had some people working night shifts, but with the sentient computer system, it would have been an unnecessary hassle.

"My thanks," Thane spoke towards the ceiling where the voice originated from.

He took the opportunity of a silent deck to cleanse himself. He had not had a chance to do so since before the Dantius job. He reveled under the water, feeling renewed from a strenuous couple of days. The cold spray felt heavenly, despite the chill. A hot shower was out of the question after he was diagnosed with Kepral's. The steam and humidity made it hard for him to breathe.

After bathing himself, he returned to Life Support; fatigue starting to creep it's way over the sinews of his muscles and his bones. However, there was nowhere to sleep. Not yet, anyway. He would have to clear up everything he had pushed to the side before he could set up a cot.

Most of the night was gone. By the time he would finish, a new day will have begun. To stave off drowsiness, he searched his bag for his rectangular tin for tea and made his way to the kitchen where he poked around until he found a kettle. The kettle was filled with water and placed on the stovetop, where he fiddled with the temperature until he was certain the pot was heating up.

He heard footsteps, so he turned to face them when he was met with the face of his Commander. Her eyes were fixated on his chest before she looked him in the eye. He couldn't help but feel like he was caught doing something wrong as he suddenly was aware of his heart beating in the spot where she was previously looking.

A spot caught his attention and he decided to fixate on that. From what Thane could make of the pattern, it looked like blood. His eyes made it look more like a spotted bruise.

_Strange. It was not there before._

"Commander. What brings you here?"

"Just getting something to wake me up. What are you doing?"

It was rare when Thane felt disappointment. Inexplicably, to him, this was one of those occasions.

_Seems we are here for similar reasons._

"With everything in the room, I didn't get a chance to sleep so I'm making some tea," he answered, gesturing to the kettle. Before he could stop himself he asked, "Would you like some?"

He prepared himself for rejection; for doubt and paranoia and suspicion. He did not prepare himself for-

"Why not."

A simple shrug to his offer. A few, bold steps towards him. He fought back a torrent of emotions and fought looking her in the eye. As she got closer, he could tell the spot was definitely blood. He took this new development as an opening-

"Excuse me, I shall return shortly."

When he got to the clinic, the space felt infinitely larger than the mess hall. Thane would have gone back to his room for his first aid kit, but human and drell anatomy were very different. No toxins in human skin to take into account. Human skin was softer, easier to break. It looked like rubber and absorbed a lot more than most species. Humans had not let themselves adapt a stronger outer shell.

It seemed the Commander differed from humans in that respect. She was friendly and warm, but she was not a soft, breakable thing. She was strong. He wondered if he would ever catch a glimpse of her vulnerable side. If she had one.

He found what he was looking for and read the instruction manual to see what order he should use the materials. After closing the kit back up, he glanced through the window separating the mess hall from the medical bay. Shepard's gaze was turned towards the battery. No... Not the battery, but the space between the kitchen and where the turian took up residence. It was like the elevator, looking towards something unseen.

Thane wondered if one day he would be allowed to watch with her.

The kettle beckoned for him and snapped her out of her reverie, so he approached with the first aid kit. He decided to make the tea first, and make it in front of her-- to make sure she watched him pour the cups. She seemed only mildly interested in the task, but her gaze didn't stay.

_What is she doing?_

He opened up the first aid kit and prepares the ointment for her wound.

"Be still, this may sting."

"What are you-  _ah_."

"I warned you." Thane suppressed a smile. He made sure to be as gentle as possible, attempting not to disturb the wound further. After disinfecting the wound, he worked the ointment in, using his middle fingers to apply it. He was halfway through when he realized he had forgotten to keep breathing. He took a few quiet, measured breaths so the Commander couldn't hear. It felt strange, trying to keep himself hidden from her. He had no reason to, and yet...

He decided not to think about it.

"May I ask what happened?" He asked as he unwrapped an adhesive bandage. Manners were always comical to him. He asked in order to ask. It felt rather superfluous.

"Oh, this? No idea, probably from Wasea. It was a pretty intense fight," Shepard shrugged. Her eyes darted to the side but she still maintained a good-natured smile about the whole thing. She was a natural liar.

"It wasn't there before," Thane commented, rather than out the Commander. There was probably a reason for her lie, as there was a reason for everything she did.

"What?" The Commander's voice seemed small.

"I remember everything." It was a simple explanation. He wondered why he didn't just explain to her that it was natural for a drell to remember all the details, no matter how seemingly insignificant. He realized he didn't want their conversation to end here. He wanted her to be infinitely curious about him and continue this conversation at another time. He wanted to leave her with questions that she would want the answers to.

He thought all these things as he laid the bandage on her forehead. He pressed it down, his fingers sliding from the cool surface of the bandage to the smooth surface of her skin. Thane marveled at how soft the skin of her forehead was.

Thane chided himself on his childish, strange...  _intimate_ behavior and took a step back, clearing his throat.

"I'm no physician, but even something as small as that could get infected," Thane quickly added-- an attempt to dispel any thoughts on his behavior.

"Thanks," she answered.

Then, the strangest thing occurred-- she drank without hesitation. Without a thought, she drank a cup offered by an assassin and then _smiled_.

His vision tunneled, and he was looking through a scope to a beautiful, fiery woman staring him down. Anger and conviction burning through the barrel of his gun. Her mouth twisted in contempt. He pulled himself back to the present moment, his sights fixed on the edge of a cup and the gaze of a woman, wistful and unaware of the dangers of the killer next to her.

"Do you have a death wish?"

Shepard looked up to him, her brows furrowing ever-so-slightly. "Excuse me?"

"You accepted a drink from an assassin without question or doubt. It seems to me you have no regard for your own life," Thane replied.

Shepard's eyes changed from bracing to confident, drinking the rest of the tea before placing the mug on the table in front of her. "You're a part of my crew. I wouldn't have brought you onto this ship if I didn't trust you." She stood up, and added, "I like to think I have a good judge of character. Otherwise I would have died long before the Normandy was destroyed... You need a hand with the crap piled up in your room?"

"Y- Yes. That would be appreciated," Thane stammered. He wasn't prepared for Shepard's quick and honest response. He was prepared for argument, but he couldn't argue with her certainty. Shepard led the way to his room. The doors opened at her approach and she put her hands on her hips, surveying the situation.

"If we just shove everything inside containers and send it all down to cargo bay, everyone else can sort through it later," Shepard suggested.

"An appropriate course of action," Thane agreed.

"Fantastic," Shepard smiled, before starting the work that needed to be done. She surveyed some of the things he had scattered on the desk and became visibly excited at a model starship. "This was just tossed away here?"

"It would seem so."

"I'm holding it hostage until the owner comes and personally gets it from me. Then I can ask them where they got a model of the  _Destiny Ascension._ "

"Do you like the Destiny Ascension?" Thane asked, storing some packaged, dried food into a duffel bag.

"The Destiny Ascension owes me and humanity big time," Shepard sighed, putting the model to the side. "It's more that it's a model of it. And a good, solid model, at that. Not some hollow, plastic toy. I have some in my cabin, actually. It's the only real  _decor_ I have in my cabin. I've always liked ships that fit in the palm of my hand. Becoming Alliance didn't grow me out of them. They're fun. I guess they remind me of childhood."

"I see."

"What about you? Anything to remind you of the past?" Shepard asked, the last of the miscellaneous cargo tucked away into boxes and bags.

"I don't require mementos. My mind is... unique in that way," Thane answered cryptically.

"Sounds like interesting story. Promise to tell me later?" Shepard said, before qualifying, "I only mean that it's nice... and  _easy_ to talk to you. I don't want to exhaust all topics of conversation. It's fun to let them unfold."

"I agree," Thane replied, discreetly. It  _was_ fun. And it was light. _She_ was light. She was the opposite of fire of sunset eyes melting him down to size. She was a light giving warmth and guidance.

She was a lighthouse in the midst of tempestuous seas, and he was going to drown in his own lungs before ever reaching her shores.


	8. The Unexpected Chef (Shepard)

The days passed by in a blur- there was always something to do and someone to save. EDI's voice chimed in many times during their voyage through deep space to Haestrom as she brought news of distress beacons and signals. Some of them were traps, some of them were genuine. Then they'd have to make sure the settlers sent astray or military units were patched up and on their way before leaving again.

Tali was one of Shepard's best friends, one of her closest companions from the start of whole Reaper mess. Now she was late in helping her. Well, two years late for everything. Now she didn't want to miss a second.

After the Commander had stripped away her armor and rinsed herself off in the shower, she collapsed onto her bed with a sigh.

"EDI, any news?"

"Negative, Commander."

"You've never sounded more beautiful, EDI."

"I have done nothing to alter my speech pattern or style, Shepard."

"It was your words. Nothing like beautiful, cold, hard facts," Shepard chuckled a little.

"I see. I'll leave you to rest."

"Thanks, EDI."

Shepard was really warming up to the AI on board. Not that she ever was completely against EDI, but she'd been thinking about the geth a lot since traversing through their territory on their way to meet the quarian with one of the biggest vendettas against geth- her very own Tali. EDI was good though, or at least benevolent.

After a few minutes of a futile and half-assed attempt to fall asleep, Shepard traveled down to the mess hall for something to eat, and to occupy her mind with thoughts other than what was usually conjured up in dark, lonely moments.

When she got there, Gardner was already off duty. She rifled through the cabinets, trying to find something she was pre-made, but Gardner was an artist who created actual meals. Military life was pre-packaged and ready to go, not gourmet. No wonder so many people stayed with Cerberus. She found a stash of protein meals that operated a lot like an old, packaged Earth food. She just had to stick it into the microwave for a while and then it'd be ready for her.

"Oh no, Shepard's trying to cook. Someone prepare the evac pods," a familiar, flanging voice taunted from behind her.

"Garrus, it was one time," Shepard defended herself, turning towards the turian with a forced pout.

"The SR-1's kitchen had a subtle, burnt smell to it for about a month after," Garrus put a hand to his chin, as if remembering some fond memory. "There's no shame in being an explosives expert in  _everything_ , but you don't need to be so proud of it, either."

"Lay off, Vakarian. Go calibrate a gun or something."

"Wow, Shepard, coming in with the unimpressive zingers," Garrus laughed, leaning against the kitchen counter. "What is it that you're cooking up?"

"Protein 2 Go," Shepard read the label, turning it towards the turian.

"You shouldn't have. I'll enjoy these," Garrus smiled.

"No."

"Oh, yes. Dextro."

"Damn it," Shepard sighed, before tossing the box of turian friendly protein meals on the counter. In the corner of her eyes, she saw a certain drell assassin halted in his steps as he looked at the scene before him.

"Is something the matter?" He asked, his eyes darting from the box to Shepard.

"The Commander was just heating up a nice meal for me because she's so worried about the health and wellbeing of her best friend." Garrus put his hand over his chest and shook his head slowly.

"Yeah, and I have a terrible habit of not reading the nutritional facts," Shepard added.

"Oh yeah, that too."

"Are you hungry?" Thane asked.

"Yeah. I don't want to wake Gardner. He already cooks for the whole crew."

"And someone shouldn't be allowed near kitchens because she's a fire hazard," Garrus chimed in.

"You're relentless."

"I could prepare something for you," Thane offered.

Shepard looked to him and- not for the first time- found herself at a loss for words.

"You know how to cook?" Garrus asked, taking the question from her.

"I know how to prepare a few dishes. When my wife couldn't cook for our son, I would do the honors," Thane replied. "So, while it may not be to Gardner's standards, it is definitely edible."

 _A wife?_ Shepard thought silently. She didn't know he had a wife. She didn't know he was _capable_ of having a wife in his line of work. It wasn't in his dossier, and it hadn't come up in conversation. Shepard found herself inexplicably thrilled at having received a piece of the puzzle that was Thane.

"As long as it's better than a protein meal," Shepard joked. She would have brought up the topic of his wife and delved deeper had Garrus not been around.

"If it's by anyone other than you, it will definitely be better than this protein meal."

"Bastard."

"Idiot."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh. It had been a while since she'd been able to just verbally spar with someone. Shepard and Vakarian always seemed to just bounce off of each other. Like fire crackling and popping and fueling itself.

"I'll see what I can come up with," Thane offered a slight smile before moving behind the counter and looking through the refrigerator and cabinets for ingredients. He surveyed the entirety of the kitchen then revisited some areas before settling on some spices and seasonings and vegetables. When the microwave  _dinged_  with the turian protein meal completely cooked, Thane opened the door and pulled it out and slid it onto the counter. "This one is done, but mine will take a little more time to prepare."

Shepard nodded, fiddling with the edge of the hot plate. If she was still completely human, then she would have shied immediately from the touch. An upgrade of cybernetics left her more resilient. She wondered if Thane's fingers were slightly burned. Perhaps drell hands were tougher and more rough than human hands.

"We'll be over here," Vakarian answered. Shepard had barely noticed that Garrus was halfway to the mess hall tables. "Shepard." She turned her head and Garrus motioned towards the table.

"Oh, yeah. Of course." Shepard shook her head a bit before walking and sitting opposite of Garrus.

"What's the deal," Garrus asked, his voice a low, subtle rumble.

"What deal?" Shepard frowned.

"Hot shot assassin in the kitchen. Shepard- He dropped out of a ceiling and killed four people like it was nothing and now he's here making you dinner."

"So, he's... nice."

"He kills people for a living."

"Considerate."

"I could smell your hormonal shift, Shepard," Garrus confessed.

"You  _what_?"

"Oh, come on. Don't you know your basic turian physiology?"

"Yeah, yeah, but I mean... Specifically to me. What are you talking about?"

"Something's up. Your mind catches up very slowly to what your body already knows."

"And what does my body know?"

"You like him."

Shepard blinked a couple of times before letting out a small laugh.

"I like everyone on board. Otherwise they wouldn't be here."

"I don't want to speak for you, Shepard. But there's something else there. Something more," Garrus' voice was just above a whisper, a soft rumble as his mandibles barely twitched.

Shepard looked over to Thane, who was now carefully stirring a pot and adjusting the temperature on the stove.

"He's interesting. Something about the way he talks just makes you want to hear more," Shepard confessed. Garrus eyes looked at her, trying to pry away at her defenses but Shepard fought back. "We're not here to gossip, Vakarian. How's the ship running?"

After a few minutes of some more banter- Garrus talking about what could be improved on the ship and Shepard discussing when and where they'd have to stop in order to get supplies- Thane called from the kitchen:

"It's done. Hopefully to your satisfaction." He ladled the contents into a bowl, swiped a few napkins and a spoon, and made his way to the table. He set the bowl down in front of the Commander, then set the spoon on top of the napkins. He stepped to the end of the table, keeping his distance from Garrus and Shepard. "My son always found it satisfactory. Then again, he was a child and their tastes are less refined."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. You already make pretty great tea," Shepard laughed as she picked up the spoon and scooped out some of the contents. It was green, but not an offsetting green. It was lumpy and a little ugly but seemed safe enough. Steam rolled off of it and danced with the air in front of her face as she inhaled. It smelled good, too. She took a bite and was surprised with how good it was.

_Appearances can be deceiving._

"Wow. That is good," Shepard nodded. It wasn't Gardner's work, sure. But it was food and it was warm and it didn't taste so bad while it fulfilled it's purpose.

Garrus pouted as he poked at the protein meal. He took a bite and hummed, "Not bad, Shepard. The way you heated this up way too hot and the way I let it settle into a lukewarm dish was actually quite masterful."

Shepard rolled her eyes and Thane chuckled a little.

"At least you didn't touch the stove. We might have had to make the SR-3."

"I take it you're bad with preparing meals?"

"It's not one of my strong suits, no," Shepard conceded with a chuckle.

"To be fair, it's one of your only weaknesses," Garrus said.

"Ah yes, my enemies will really thwart me once my cooking skills are exposed," Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Or lack thereof," Thane deadpanned.

Shepard blinked a couple of times before Garrus let out a slight scoff of a laugh. The both of let out laughs of shock while Thane offered the smallest of smiles.

"Wow, Sere Krios. Didn't know you were a joker, too," Shepard smiled, shaking her head.

"He can cook, he can make a joke, and he looks good in leather- what else do you need in a man?" Garrus tilted his head towards Shepard, his mouth and mandibles formed into a sly grin.

Shepard rolled her eyes, thanking her genetics that she didn't have cheeks that betrayed blushes so easily. She didn't know what it was about that joke that got to her. It was only a joke.

She looked to Thane who seemed to be watching her intently before he coughed and shifted his gaze. She took another bite to distract herself from the recurring image of her head of the assassin shifting in his chair, his posture just so cool and confident and captivating.

 _It was only a joke,_ Shepard reminded herself, thoroughly unconvinced with the voice in her own head.


	9. Drunk (Shepard)

Haestrom was a simultaneous disaster and success. The sun was frying their shields at any given moment, the geth were firing on them, and there were a fair amount of explosions. Most of the quarians were killed, but all of the geth were destroyed. And they were able to save Tali and Kal'Reegar, who was definitely one tough son of a bitch. Tali got accustomed to the ship. Shepard was glad that Tali liked her enough that she was able to tolerate being onboard with an AI present.

Shepard was also glad for some shore leave after the weeks of constant fighting and exhaustion piling up. Not that she slept much, but it was nice to have some time to herself. Going to Anderson's always refreshed her. Anderson was her second father- one given to her after her first was ripped from her life by slavers. Anderson was really the only family she had for a long time. Until the SR-1, of course. Then a whole new family was made. A family that would never leave her side.

She hadn't expected to see him on Horizon and she sure as hell didn't expect to see him on the Citadel. Shepard was supposed to relax, and that was supposed to start with Anderson. A big mistake based on unlucky circumstance.

When she entered Anderson's office, she froze in her tracks. Kaidan turned to look at her. Professional turned to surprise turned to sadness turned to cold in the span of seconds across his face before he turned back to Anderson. The Captain wasn't an idiot and his eyes darted from Shepard to Alenko and tried to assess the situation.

"Commander. This is a pleasant surprise. I'll just be a moment," Anderson nodded to Shepard. He looked to Alenko, "Dismissed."

"Sir," Alenko saluted before he turned around. He hesitated, as if he wanted to say something, but something sterner within him held him back and he marched ahead, right past Shepard.

Perhaps it was pride that reigned him in. Shepard always loathed something as trivial as pride getting in the way of progress, no matter the scale. She still had it, though. On her best days, she held it down. On her worst days, pride held her down. Today was a bad day, and Alenko's feet carried him further away from her. However, she didn't have to endure the fading of footsteps as Anderson's voice covered the unwelcome noise.

"What brings you here?"

"Can't I check up on an old man?" Shepard smiled. Charm broke through her tide of agony. A temporary victory.

"Of course you can," David smiled back, his posture relaxing as he moved from behind his desk. "Don't mistake that for me agreeing with your choice of adjective."

"You didn't tell me Alenko was on Horizon," Shepard cut to the chase.

"Even _I_  didn't know the particulars. Even if I did-"

"You wouldn't tell me."

"You're working with Cerberus," Anderson apologized with a sigh. "I trust you with my life, but I don't trust them, and they're privvy to a lot of your information. Your whereabouts, who you talk to, and what you talk about because they're watching you."

"I know. You're right. You're always right," Shepard paused. "I asked him to come with me on Horizon. To help me find those missing colonists but he refused... He rejected me. Sometimes I wonder if Kaidan has it right. How far do I go compromising my standards in order to save others? Does the intention get lost within the Illusive Man's twisted purpose?"

"You're the one saving our colonists. Damn the philosophy behind your actions, at least you're doing something," Anderson rebuffed.

"Thanks, Anderson," Shepard said, her smile as hollow as the reassurance she got from his words.

* * *

After a brief conversation with the Captain, shore leave for Shepard was over. It had been since she had the run in with Kaidan. She made her way back to the Normandy. She lingered a moment in the hangar bay, talking with a few of the crew members making small repairs to the Normandy. They needed nothing so she went to the elevator and pressed the button for the Captain's cabin. The button for the Crew's quarters seemed to light up of its own volition.

"You look like you could use a drink," a familiar thief's voice suggested from what little shadows there were in the small space of the elevator.

"How's it going, Kasumi?"

The thief's cloaking shut down and Kasumi Goto was revealed, leaning against the elevator wall. "I'm gonna make you a drink, Shep. You look like you could use something to lift you up. A spirit to lift your spirits?"

The elevator doors opened and Kasumi worked hard to drag Shepard out.

"I'm fine, Kasumi."

"She says with the voice of someone so obviously  _not_ fine," Kasumi mocked.

"What the hell," Shepard sighed. "One drink." The concession wasn't so much to Kasumi, but to a weaker, battered, vulnerable portion of her soul begging to be drowned out of its misery. The same portion of her soul that once was open to Kaidan.

"Yes! You know this is my first time I'll be seeing you drink!"

"I drank champagne at Hock's party."

"One glass," Kasumi shook her head as they approached the Port Observation deck. The doors unlocked and slid open for them. The window was open and the Normandy's sight of the Citadel was not bad at all. The lights from the buildings bled through the vacuum of space and blended in with the darkness, making the arms of the open Citadel look like a cluster of stars. Kasumi went behind the bar, and when Shepard sat down on the stool in front of the bar, she reached over and clasped the Commander's hands in her own. With large eyes, and the a sincere, beckoning voice, Kasumi confessed- "I want to see you completely and utterly shit-faced, Shepard."

"Poetic."

"I try," Kasumi grinned, releasing her grip on the Commander before pulling out a number of unidentified liquids.

"How does anyone know where anything is?"

"I know exactly which one is which. Who else needs to know?" Kasumi asked. "Now- do you want something sweet? Something sour? Savory?"

"I don't know. A screwdriver?"

Kasumi brought her fingers to the bridge of her nose and pinched. "The whole galaxy has come together at last, we've traded all known types of alcohol and your first thought is... a  _screwdriver?_ "

"I don't really drink, Kasumi," Shepard shrugged.

"Here. I'll make something that made Keiji fall on his ass after a glass," Kasumi decided, grabbing a blue liquid and a clear liquid. With a dash of something yellow- the colors mixed to create a swirling purple concoction.

"What's in it?" Shepard asked, taking the glass and observing the contents.

"Batarian equivalent of fireball and Asari equivalent of vodka, with a dash of lemonade," Kasumi answered.

"Huh," Shepard said, before downing the contents. The sour-ness of it made it feel like her entire head was being pinched.

"Not a fan?" Kasumi asked.

"Not so much."

"Well, alcohol isn't so much about the journey as it is about the destination," Kasumi shrugged, before taking a few different liquids and mixing them. She passed the glass over to Shepard. "Try this."

Shepard did. The alcohol was hardly detectable in the flowery liquid, but the aftertaste definitely betrayed the initial sweetness. Shepard shoved the glass back to Kasumi who was already prepped with the next mixers, and the drink was done under ten seconds. Shepard downed that one, too, noting the warmth of it- like she was drinking apple cider.

Without really thinking about it, she gave the glass back to Kasumi.

"Jesus, Shep. Those were three of the hardest drinks I know," Goto gaped.

"Really?" Shepard looked over. She could feel the slightest of tingles, but no indication of being drunk, yet. She always had a high tolerance, much to her liver's dismay. Maybe a cybernetic liver won't mind as much. Now she wondered if her liver was actually replaced.

"Hm... Let's up the ante, shall we?" Kasumi smirked, sipping at the drink she made herself.

"Let's," Shepard agreed, wondering how much she had to drink to stumble. She'd never figured it out before.

* * *

Kasumi had curled up on the couch and passed out many drinks later. A lot of the bottles were empty and Kasumi wrote down a list of what alcohol she'd need in order to restock the bar. The list was extensive. Shepard had stayed at the bar, now feeling like her focus was wavering.

 _Enough for tonight,_ Shepard thought as she stood up. She didn't expect to stumble, but was pleasantly surprised. It was her goal after all. She did a victory shuffle before taking purposeful steps towards the door. Shepard could feign sobriety for the short walk to the elevator. No-one but EDI would have to witness her blind dizziness in the Captain's cabin.

She tried to remember if she'd ever had a hangover before. Growing up a military orphan didn't help much with her rebellious phase, and having next to no friends at 21 didn't help during that birthday, either.

The doors slid open and Shepard was face to face with a certain, drell assassin emerging from the bathroom. Shepard realized she'd never seen him dressed in casual clothes before. The sheer mundanity of sweatpants and a low-cut shirt that stretched to his diaphragm, like a pirate's, draping the enigma that was Thane Krios was enough to make Shepard feel a wave of drunkenness wash over her.

"Shepard?" Krios asked with some surprise.

"Aye, aye, Captain," Shepard saluted, her body snapping at attention. "Do pirates stand at attention? No, I would know. Hah."

"Commander, are you intoxicated?"

"I dunno. You tell me. I do think I'm just a  _tad_ tipsy," Shepard brought her hand to her face and her fingers looked as though they were allowing the smallest distance possible between her digits. "But I'll be fine. I've always been able to hold my liquor. No-one's been able to get me drunk my  _whole_ life."

Shepard shook her head before attempting to walk forward. She took a few steps and almost side-stepped Krios before her feet fumbled with each other and she lost her balance, falling into the drell.

It took her a moment to realize that she wasn't standing of her own will but because she was currently suspended in the arms of Thane.

Shepard frowned a little, letting his face come into focus. It was surprisingly close to her own, and she looked away. She realized she had a clear view of his back, and the shirt was cut as low as the front.

"Scandalous," Shepard giggled.

"It's close to being there, I suspect," Krios said, his voice just over a whisper. He deftly pulled the Commander up and seemed to have the strength for the both of them as he walked them both to the elevator, calling it to the Captain's cabin.

"Hm? Are you going to be my  _escort_ _?_ " Shepard teased, as she untangled herself from the assassin and leaned against the railing of the elevator. Her head hit the wall of the elevator with a  _thunk_. She couldn't register the pain, but somewhere deep inside her she knew she had underestimated her drunkenness and was making a complete fool of herself. Everybody talks about how manic they get under the influence, but no-one ever talks about the clarity underneath it all. That when they're drunk, they know exactly what they're doing but a louder, inebriated part of themselves just doesn't care. Inhibitions went straight to hell.

"In the strict definition of the word, I suppose I am," Thane answered.

"You're going to my room. No-one ever does that unless invited up here. You're the second person to come up here uninvited," Shepard laughed, but her words were coming out of her. Out of that agonizing tide that was now rising within her.

"Who was the first?"

The elevator doors opened, and the voice within her told her not to say his name. But she so desperately wanted to say it.

"Kaidan Alenko."

"Your lover," Krios whispered. Shepard almost didn't hear him as she walked out of the elevator.

"How did you know?"

"I... remembered it. You must have mentioned him before," Krios hurriedly explained.

"I've never mentioned him to you, Krios," Shepard's voice was much sharper than she intended, but just as sharp as she felt, and just as cold as Alenko became earlier that day at the mere sight of her.

"I must have heard it-"

"Where?" Shepard interrupted him, knowing her eyes were pricking with tears.  _Damn it. Shepard doesn't cry._

"I... I don't know," Krios almost looked ashamed but Shepard was too enraged to care.

"We're not that close, Thane. I barely told anyone aboard the SR-1 about it. And those who know wouldn't talk about him aboard my ship. Among my crew or around me," Shepard gestured to nowhere in particular.

"I apologize if I have caused offense."

"I know you didn't mean to cause offense. You care about me. But he left me, and you left me, even though you know how much it tears someone apart to be so completely and utterly alone!"

For a moment, she wanted nothing more than to run to him and to feel him. She knew exactly where it was that she should touch to feel his muscles move as they wrapped around her and she knew exactly how he measured his breaths when his mouth was buried in her hair. For a moment, she wanted him. For a moment, she knew him.

"Thane..." She whispered. She stepped forward, but her legs were weak and her feet fumbled.

His hands clasped her arms, just under her shoulders, and she forgot why she was so angry towards him. She forgot what ties she had to... whatever it was she felt.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"No apology needed. I spoke without thinking," Thane replied as he pulled her up. He guided her from the hallway to her bed, sitting her down on the edge. He grabbed an extra blanket and wrapped it around her. "Don't lay down just yet, Commander."

Thane walked from her bed to her bathroom, turning on the sink for a few moments. The sound of running water stopped and Thane returned, a full glass in hand.

"Drink. Hydrating yourself is the best way to combat any morning headaches."

"So, a hangover cure?"

"Precisely."

Shepard smiled at that and drank the water slowly. Thane took the cup and repeated. Shepard drank once more. She felt tired of all the drinking, her stomach felt like it was bloated and inflated like a water balloon.

"How much did you drink, exactly?" Thane asked.

"I lost count. I wasn't exactly keeping track," Shepard sighed, huddling herself up further in the blanket.

"Trying to inebriate oneself while having a high tolerance isn't the wisest course of action," Thane observed, taking the glass from Shepard and going back to the bathroom. He came back with a third glass of water and set it down on her bedside table. "For later in the night, or the morning."

"Thank you for dealing with me. I'm just... kind of a mess right now," Shepard looked up to Thane. "And I don't know what it is about you that makes me want to talk."

"I feel the same." Thane took a step back. "You should get some rest. You've had a long night."

"Can you stay for a few moments? I won't be able to fall asleep just yet and I want someone to talk to."

"You have EDI."

"Indulge me, Krios. Please."

"Very well," Thane obliged after a moment. He sat an appropriate distance away from Shepard at the edge of her bed. His posture was rigid and his hands were folded together. He looked like the picture of calm and absolute control, something Shepard wished she felt.

"Do you ever get drunk?" Shepard asked.

"I rarely did when I was younger. Now these days, I don't drink at all. Excessive drinking advances my disease," Thane answered.

"I guess anything to do with liquids wouldn't help Kepral's," Shepard mused.

"Are you familiar with the disease?" Thane asked.

"I think so." Shepard's brow furrowed. "Didn't you tell me?"

"I don't recall ever disclosing the nature of my disease."

"I must have heard it somewhere... Wow, I'm out of it," Shepard shook her head, as if that would jog her memory.

"You would be right. Moisture in any form is detrimental. Rakhana is an arid planet, so our lungs aren't fully developed to Kahje's humidity. Most of us live inside dome-like cities and that's how we're able to cope, but most of the population still succumbs to the disease," Thane explained. "As I will, one day."

"Are you sure our medical bay can't do something for you? We have state of the art technology, according to Chakwas," Shepard offered. A feeling of dread crept into her stomach and she felt more than a pang of sadness as Thane talked about dying. Or perhaps it was the nausea.

"Scientists on Kahje are relentlessly working on a cure. Curing Kepral's is their life's work and if they do not come up with a solution, then I doubt your ship's doctor could. No offense to her degree of skill," Thane shrugged.

"Ah... I see," Shepard let that be the end of it. She didn't believe he had resigned himself to death, but it was obvious that he had exhausted a lot of solutions. She didn't want to exhaust him further with the thought of his mortality. Or herself, for that matter.

"Thank you, though. For caring enough to suggest a cure."

"Isn't that just a common courtesy? Or at least polite behavior?"

"Not to a lot of people."

"Hm... You know I saw him today." The words were tumbling out of her mouth. She had to talk about it. She had to tell  _someone._

"Kaidan Alenko?"

"Yes."

"I see."

"I went to see Anderson. He's like a father to me. But Kaidan went to go see Anderson, too. And when I walked in the room he just became so cold. No,  _because_ I walked into the room, someone like him became so distant. And we used to..." Shepard sighed, tears pricking her eyes. "He was so warm. That's what I liked the most about him. And just because of me it's gone."

"I doubt that's the only reason," Thane tried reassuring her.

"It is. He has it right, though. How far is someone supposed to go in saving people if I'm compromising my integrity? If I stoop to working with terrorists, then are they really saved if their savior is just another form of evil? Does the intention get lost?"

"I don't believe it is. Do you have another agenda by rescuing your colonists?" Thane inquired.

"No."

"Terrorists and those likeminded people only do things with ulterior motives. No matter what the Illusive Man's agenda is, yours is clear. It's pure and that's how you recruited everyone here. You should trust yourself as much as the rest of us trust you," Thane replied. His voice moved through her, soothing the empty, hollow spot that was there before when she heard Anderson before.

Later, she'd argue that Anderson was right. That sometimes, you have to get a little dirty in order to save what good there is. Pride and dignity have no place while fighting battles. But that day... She needed to hear someone to tell her what she wanted to hear, not what was the correct answer, or an answer she ultimately agreed with.

"If you had one wish, what would you wish for?" She asked, looking to Thane. She didn't care what she asked at this point, she just wanted to hear what he had to say. Shepard thought he wouldn't answer, his face was set like stone, and a creeping feeling of embarrassment was wriggling it's way into her heart but was completely eradicated when he answered-

"More time. As arbitrary as it is and how fleeting it feels, I would appreciate more time."

"I feel like a lot of people share your sentiment, Sere Krios. Thanks for telling me."

"Thank you, for telling me first."

"Do you ever accept thanks without thanking the other person?" Shepard asked.

"Only sometimes. It's a very rare occasion," Thane smiled a little.

"Are you sure we haven't met before? I feel like you're a long lost..." Shepard searched for the word. "Companion."

"I believe I would remember if we had," Thane paused. "But I share the sentiment. I must admit, you are very easy to talk to. It's been a long time where someone has actually talked to me. The only communication I've had is with people requiring my services. I try not to talk to my targets."

"Well, wouldn't you consider me someone requiring your services?"

Thane turned his towards her and their eyes met. "I would consider you a friend."

"For how little time you've known me?"

"Yes," he answered immediately. No hesitation.

Shepard smiled at that and pulled the blanket around her tighter, closing her eyes. It must have been the alcohol, but she felt her heart beating faster than usual.

She remembered fighting to keep her eyes as she asked him question after question. As much as she wanted to remember, her short term memory was not cooperating with her then. She remembered being sober enough not to ask too personal of a question, because if she forgot that, that would just be offending.

However, she didn't remember drifting off to sleep, or tucking herself into bed. She certainly didn't remember taking off her shoes and jacket and leaving them neatly folded and parallel on the couch. She regrettably didn't remember that it was Thane who did all these things for her. She definitely didn't remember him leaning towards her, pushing away hair that was falling over her face, and whispering a prayer to all the gods he believed in-

 _"Just a little more time._ _"_


	10. Stone Cold Sober (Thane)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some lines are taken directly from Mass Effect - Foundation 012, by Mac Walters, Jeremy Barlow, and Tony Parker. 

Thane had never experienced "shore leave" or work vacations before in his life. When he worked as a laborer, they drove them like slaves, and as an assassin, there's never really "days off" just assignments or waiting for assignments. However, he enjoyed the concept of it. A break from the business of life on the Normandy to just enjoy oneself.

He thought of asking the Commander if she wanted accompaniment to a particular activity but refrained himself from asking. He already preoccupied a lot of her time.

It had been a while since he'd been to the Citadel. He had been there a year or so before on a mission he never completed. Thane always completed his assignments when their purpose was true and intent was honest, however he had been misinformed and had to render his own judgment. He had left as quickly as he had come, and hadn't been back since. And the time before that was ten years ago, when had hunted down Stiv Kay and his band of slavers and criminals.

_"Oh, she was sweet. Her taste... was worth whatever you're going to do to me and more!" He yells, bleeding on the street. I would put his words to their ultimate and final test. No mercy for the man bleeding in the streets._

The chime of the elevator doors opening pulled him out of his own mind and he was grateful that no-one else was around to witness that particular memory. He often didn't get trapped within a violent memory. The ones he couldn't resist tended to be the most tender and most sad.

Thane blended in with the crowd, taking in the neon glow of the Zakera wards. Many shops had a steady flow of customers, and part-time workers moved behind their counters, rushing to fill orders and satisfy their patrons.

At one particular clothing store, they boasted shirts ideal for drell with Kepral's syndrome with open areas that didn't restrict the chest and lungs too much. Intrigued, Thane took a step inside.

 _"I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel,"_ the Commander's voice sounded all around him. He looked to see where she was before she realized it was a prerecorded message that played whenever customers walked in.

"That is a genuine recording made by the Commander herself!" The salarian working behind the counter said, excitedly.

"Is that so?" Thane feigned surprise.

"All of my products are quality. What are you in the market for?"

"Just browsing," Thane answered, his voice a little clipped to imply he wasn't in the mood to make small talk with the cashier.

"Let me know if you need any help," the salarian nodded, getting the hint.

Thane approached the kiosk and selected the item. It was a simple shirt, a loose, flowing thing with a string looped through the neckline to adjust to one's pleasure. It reminded him of human vids that Kolyat liked to watch of swashbuckling buccaneers. It would do the job, though. He barely had any other clothes than the especially made suit, and on the Normandy, he didn't want to just parade around without a shirt.

There were a variety of colors, but Thane settled with the cheapest, off-white one. When he had transferred all of the credits, he waited for the salarian to put it in a bag for him as the shirt was rolled out on a belt. The apologetic look of the salarian when Thane took the purchase from his hands was not lost to him. Thane merely nodded before he turned and was stopped in his tracks.

The profile of a drell caught his eye and his breath was mangled in his lungs. It couldn't possibly be...

_Kolyat?_

The drell had disappeared into the crowd of people just as quickly as he appeared and Thane ran out of the store, looking down in the direction he was walking, but couldn't spot anyone in the large crowd. People moved around him and lightly jostled him, some of them making their way into the store he just left.

_"I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel."_

* * *

 Thane had gone to the Presidium for what he thought was a few moments in order to meditate and clear his head without too many distractions and air that was cleaner. He didn't think he'd stay out for hours, but when he came to, the Presidium's clock was nearing sundown and the artificial sky was fading into a sunset.

He got back to the Normandy near nightfall, and passed a lot of the crew saying goodbye to loved ones and making promises to make vidcalls and send letters. He remembered making those same promises, and how few of them he followed through on.

He shared the elevator with a couple of the crew he hadn't had the chance to meet, but from the amount of space they gave them and the quick glances over their shoulders, it was obvious they knew of him. Thankfully, the journey was short, but the mild fear he felt emanating from them had unsettled him in the slightest. Their reaction was not an unfamiliar one, but it had come after days of knowing the familiarity and warmth of the Commander. It must be how everyone feels. Home and the familiar shock and unsettle one after spending some time with Shepard.

When he got to life support, he removed the shirt from the bag- tucking it into his bag if the need to dispose of his trash ever arose.

"I will inform you when the rest of the crew have retired for the evening," EDI's voice sounded from the ceiling.

"My thanks, EDI," Thane said, giving a slight bow out of habit, though he knew she could not see since he removed all the cameras from his room.

True to her word, the AI did inform Thane of the crew absent from the showers. He brought his newly purchased shirt with him and took a cold shower, merely to rinse himself. In the mirror, he watched himself slide on the flowing shirt and took the image in after putting on some sweatpants he stole from a rude human male after a particularly messy mission. Drell did not sweat as much as humans did, but the material was comfortable.

He thought he looked ridiculous, the open front and back practically exposed the rest of his chest and back. It felt more like what a rich, domestic parent would wear when their children have left for their own future and they were perfectly bored in their luxurious home. Thane would know of such people- he was paid to assassinate a few, since they went from sipping champagne and lounging in their flowing gowns to  _also_ make the lives of laborers miserable.

However, the shirt served its purpose and that's all Thane needed it to do. Thane almost put the issue to rest as he stepped out of the bathrooms. All he needed to do was make the few strides to Life Support and he wouldn't think further of it.

Thane Krios was not counting on the great Commander Shepard emerging from Port Observation, obviously inebriated.

He was incredibly aware of his ignominious garb at her obvious stare at his chest, and felt blood rise in him in embarrassment. He was glad humans could not sense what other drell could, and glad that he did not have such translucent skin as humans do, but he was not looking forward to this memory haunting him for the rest of his life.

Why did it have to be her?

"Shepard?"

"Aye, aye, Captain. Do pirates stand at attention? No, I would know. Hah." Even she had noticed the resemblance.

"Commander, are you intoxicated?" He asked, though he knew the answer.

"I dunno," she slurred. "You tell me. I do think I'm just a  _tad_ tipsy. But I'll be fine. I've always been able to hold my liquor. No-one's been able to get me drunk my  _whole_ life."

Shepard wasn't able to make it too far before she lost her balance. She probably even thought she was walking somewhat straight. Her eyes looked determined, but her feet weren't sharing the sentiment. Thane had anticipated the fall, and his arm found it's way under her's and wrapped around her lower back. The distance between them was nonexistent, and it felt like the appropriate length.

Once more in her presence, he found his breathing compromised.

Her face betrayed a frown before she seemed to come to the same revelation as he had and she looked towards his back. A smirk inched across her face as she giggled-

"Scandalous."

Thane heard voices getting louder from the mess hall.

"It's close to being there, I suspect," Krios whispered. He pulled the Commander up so she could walk somewhat on her own and took them to the elevator. He pressed the highest button, assuming that was the Captain's cabin. The gesture felt hidden in his bones, like he had been itching to do that for a while now, like a smoker returning to a cigarette. A relapse.

If he had pulled her into his room, he wouldn't be confident he could drag the Commander out of there awake. She already seemed on the verge of falling asleep due to the alcohol emanating from her breath as she hummed.

"Are you going to be my  _escort?"_ Thane witnessed Shepard untangle herself from him, and felt the empty space beside him like a phantom limb. Before more sentimental thoughts emerged, Shepard's head met with the wall of the elevator, but she still stood. Thane reached out instinctively, but didn't dare touch her. He wondered if she was alright, but she muttered a small  _ow_ before her expression adopted relaxation. Thane stood close to her, his arms prepared to catch her if she fell.

"In the strict definition of the word, I suppose I am."

"You're going to my room. No-one ever does that unless invited there. You're the second person to come uninvited," Shepard's voice betrayed a laugh, but it sounded like she wanted to cry.

"Who was the first?" He asked just before the elevator doors opened.

"Kaidan Alenko."

In his mind, he saw the image of a sturdy man, dark hair, and a kind smile. He saw him lying on a hospital bed, battered and worn down. He felt jealousy rise within him and yet, a sense of pity, too. He saw the Commander's lips and a wistful look in her eye as she spoke his name some other time,  _Kaidan Alenko._

" _Your lover_ ," Thane repeated the words, his memories bleeding into reality but at the same time memories he could not remember ever witnessing.

"How did you know?" The Commander's voice had shifted. Vulnerable and on the verge of tears to chilling. Sober in their meaning.

"I... remembered it. You must have mentioned him before," Krios tried explaining, knowing full well that he couldn't even explain what he remembered or if they were actually memories. Were hallucinations and visions part of Kepral's too?

"I've never mentioned him to you, Krios."

"I must have heard it-"

"Where?" Her voice cut him to pieces, like only Irikah before could have done.

"I... don't know," Krios confessed.

"We're not that close, Thane. I barely told anyone aboard the SR-1 about it. And those who know wouldn't talk about him aboard my ship, among my crew or around me."

"I apologize if I have caused offense." Thane felt like falling to his knees like he did with Irikah, many years ago.

"I know you didn't mean to cause offense. You care about me. But he left me, and you left me, even though you know how much it tears someone apart to be so completely and utterly alone!"

The silence was palpable as Thane imagined or remembered her on the floor of some unfamiliar apartment, tears streaming down her face as she cried aloud into the night and her fist beat at her chest as if she wanted nothing more than to rip it out and stop whatever it was that was destroying her, so. He imagined taking those few extra steps towards her and enveloping her in her arms and trying his best to quell the tempest raging within her in that sea of alcohol blurring all thoughts and feelings. Perhaps, if he believed just hard enough, he would be able to help her in some capacity for all that she had done for him. There was so much and yet he couldn't recall more than a few moments spent with her.

The ignorance of his own memory was eating him alive.

"Thane..." She spoke his name with such a tenderness, it took him aback. He nearly missed catching her. She was obviously unfamiliar with her own body being this drunk. Had she ever been? He occupied himself with such thoughts so he wouldn't think about the way he said her name, and how much it made his heart ache. "I'm sorry."

"No apology needed. I spoke without thinking," He replied, taking her to her bed. There was a blanket laying haphazardly on the other side of the bed, so Thane took it and wrapped it around her. Perhaps in this way, she'd feel a bit more grounded. "Don't lay down just yet."

He retreated to her bathroom, looking for a glass he could fill with water. While he filled it with water, his eyes wandered to the wall of her shower. It was clean, save for a few spots of blood along the wall. The height aligned with where her forehead would be and he thought of when he bandaged her wound all those weeks ago. He cast his eyes down, also spotting a clump of hair caught where the water should drain. An incredible amount to shed for someone so young, even for the stress she was under.

Thane had barely noticed the cup running over. He turned the faucet off before draining some of the water and cleaned the outside of the cup so it wouldn't slip between her fingers. He walked back to the Commander and handed the cup to her-

"Drink. Hydrating yourself is the best way to combat any morning headaches."

"So, a hangover cure?"

"Precisely."

Shepard offered a lopsided smile and drank the water. When she was finished, Thane went back to the sink and filled the cup fully up. When she drank again, he could tell how unpleasant drinking so much felt from the grimace creasing her features.

"How much did you drink, exactly?"

"I lost count. I wasn't exactly keeping track."

"Trying to inebriate oneself while having a high tolerance isn't the wisest course of action." One final glass was set on her bedside table. "For later in the night, or in the morning," he clarified for her, so she didn't feel obligated to partake for a third time.

"Thank you for dealing with me. I'm just... kind of a mess right now. And I don't know what it is about you that makes me want to talk."

"I feel the same," Thane confessed, before taking a step back. He shouldn't overstep his boundaries. "You should get some rest. You've had a long night."

"Can you stay for a few moments? I won't be able to fall asleep just yet and I want someone to talk to."

Thane felt like his heart would jump out of his throat. He felt like a schoolchild, uncertain of himself. "You have EDI."

"Indulge me, Krios. Please," she said in a way that implied a command.

Who was he to deny his Commander?

"Very well," Thane obliged. He felt like sitting on the floor was too elementary and sitting on the couch would be rather far to hold a conversation, so he sat on the corner of the bed so as to not insinuate anything. He still felt heat rising within him as he sat down on  _her_ bed, however. He wondered how Shepard could be so calm at the moment, and knew the answer lied in her not being nearly as juvenile as he was in that moment.

"Do you ever get drunk?"

"I rarely did when I was younger. Now these days, I don't drink at all. Excessive drinking advances my disease."

"I guess anything to do with liquids wouldn't help with Kepral's."

"Are you familiar with the disease?"

"I think so. Didn't you tell me?"

"I don't recall ever disclosing the nature of my disease," Thane said, knowing he didn't. He remembered telling her it wasn't contagious, but beyond that, it never came up.

"I must have heard it somewhere... Wow, I'm out of it."

"You would be right. Moisture in any form is detrimental. Rakhana is an arid planet, so our lungs aren't fully developed to Kahje's humidity. Most of us live inside dome-like cities and that's how we're able to cope, but most of the population still succumbs to the disease," Thane explained. "As I will, one day."

"Are you sure our medical bay can't do something for you? We have state of the art technology, according to Chakwas," Shepard offered.

"Scientists on Kahje are relentlessly working on a cure. Curing Kepral's is their life's work and if they do not come up with a solution, then I doubt your ship's doctor could. No offense to her degree of skill," Thane shrugged, though he was flattered at Shepard's offer.

"Ah... I see."

"Thank you, though. For caring enough to suggest a cure," Thane looked down at his hands, noticing that he was pinching the area between his thumb and forefinger. A gesture he typically executed on the rare occasion he was nervous.

"Isn't that just a common courtesy? Or at least polite behavior?"

"Not to a lot of people."

"Hm... You know I saw him today," Shepard said. Her voice and tone sounded like she was a pierced tire, slowly releasing air and letting gravity pull it down.

"Kaidan Alenko?"

"Yes."

"I see."

"I went to see Anderson. He's like a father to me. But Kaidan went to go see Anderson, too. And when I walked in the room he just became so cold. No,  _because_ I walked into the room, someone like him became so distant. And we used to..." Shepard sighed, tears pricking her eyes. "He was so warm. That's what I liked the most about him. And just because of me it's gone."

"I doubt that's the only reason," Thane said, sure of his own words. Nobody would turn cold just because of her. Not if they knew her.

"It is. He has it right, though. How far is someone supposed to go in saving people if I'm compromising my integrity? If I stoop to working with terrorists, then are they really saved if their savior is just another form of evil? Does the intention get lost?"

"I don't believe it is. Do you have another agenda by rescuing your colonists?"

"No."

"Terrorists and those likeminded people only do things with ulterior motives. No matter what the Illusive Man's agenda is, yours is clear. It's pure and that's how you recruited everyone here. You should trust yourself as much as the rest of us trust you," Thane replied. His heart was full of desire to distill the anxiety within her, to evaporate the doubt that clouded her judgment.

Shepard was still a moment, before she changed the subject. It seemed like she had gotten answer that she was satisfied with and that was well enough for him.

"If you had one wish, what would you wish for?"

He looked towards the warrior-angel sitting beside him and observed her. The radiance emanating from within her wasn't dimmed at all by the alcohol, if anything it just grounded her, her vulnerability for anyone to see made her so real, that being beside her didn't seem as impossible as it had before. Sure, he was already by her side, but to be with her and to know her at all times, in all circumstances...

"More time. As arbitrary as it is and how fleeting it feels, I would appreciate more time."

"I feel like a lot of people share your sentiment, Sere Krios. Thanks for telling me."

"Thank you, for telling me first."

"Do you ever accept thanks without thanking the other person?"

"Only sometimes. It's a very rare occasion."

"Are you sure we haven't met before? I feel like you're a long lost... companion."

"I believe I would remember if we had," Thane paused. "But I share the sentiment. I must admit, you are very easy to talk to. It's been a long time where someone has actually talked to me. The only communication I've had is with people requiring my services. I try not to talk to my targets."

"Well, wouldn't you consider me someone requiring your services?"

"I would consider you a friend."

"For how little time you've known me?"

"Yes."

Shepard's smile tugged at him like gravity, and he so desperately wished to fall into her.

Their conversation moved from such philosophical topics and Thane found himself just reciting some prayers to Arashu and Kalahira as Shepard nodded, her eyelids weighing down over her eyes until she fell backwards into sleep. Thane took the liberty of taking off her shoes and her jacket, to let her sleep more comfortably. He arranged Shepard to lay down the correct way on her bed, laying her head on her pillow. A few strands of hair fell over her face and Thane gently pushed them back. His hand lingered and for the first time, he contemplated his death with contempt.

He shook his head. He knew he shouldn't. Life was not fair, and he knew of his death for long enough to not let fleeting thoughts distract him. He turned to prayer to calm his feelings.

Opening his eyes, he let a selfish prayer slip out.

"Just a little more time."


End file.
